Today's Liberal News

Aldous J Pennyfarthing

Kooky MAGA tour starring Roger Stone and Mike Flynn inspires fierce pushback in upstate New York

The best way to picture the ReAwaken America Tour is as a sort of flat-Earth conference for political junkies. The second-best way is to get one of those Ronco inside-the-shell egg scramblers, attach it to your skull, adjust the setting to “Don Jr.,” and commence pureeing your brain until Mike Flynn, Roger Stone, and Mike Lindell appear in your mind’s eye, screaming bilious nonsense about the “stolen” 2020 election.

Pillow Man thinks 2022 Georgia GOP primaries were also rigged, because results were bad for Trump

Crack reporter Mike Lindell has gotten to the bottom of yet another election conspiracy, folks, and it’s eerily similar to the old conspiracy! Georgia—which, not for nothing, recounted every single 2020 presidential paper ballot by hand—has apparently cheated Lindell’s messiah, Donald Trump, once again—this time by illegally handing some of his endorsees an embarrassing (to Trump, anyway) loss.

CPAC travels to Hungary to fete the Trump of Europe, authoritarian leader Viktor Orban

Remember the old days, when Democrats and Republicans argued over trivialities, like the capital gains tax and Michael Dukakis’ tank helmet, not whether democracy was a good idea? Look where we are now. Democrats, as always, have been full-throated in defense of Western liberal democracy, whereas Republicans have been making Magi-like treks to Hungary to quaff from the cold, clear, invigorating wellspring of Viktor Orban-style authoritarianism.

Ted Cruz claims pro-Roe protesters worse than insurrectionists who ‘peacefully’ protested on Jan. 6

Fake outrage is kind of Texas Sen. Ted Cruz’s bag, and if you have the sense God gave a Gosar, you might even think he’s good at it. Gaslighting and projection are Republicans’ go-to answers to every controversy these days, and they’re now furiously spinning reality to make it appear as if the current protests outside SCOTUS justices’ homes—and the “appalling” leak of a draft decision ending Roe v.

Former defense secretary: Trump wanted to fire missiles into Mexico and pretend someone else did it

As bad as Donald Trump’s presidency was, rest assured it could have been way, way worse. And believe me, I get how bad it was. On its best days, it was like a happy-ending massage from Edward Scissorhands. On its worst days, it was like a shiatsu massage from Edward’s younger brother, Larry Used-Heroin-Needle Thumbs.

And yet some people still think he could—and/or should—be president again. Yeah, him. The scamp who attempted to 86 Western democracy.

China is not pitching in on Putin’s war, and Biden administration pressure may be part of the reason

Despite Donald Trump’s early assurances that he beat Chiiiii-na all the time, one of his favorite pastimes as president was losing to the country—while encouraging its worst excesses. 

Trump made a big show of acting tough toward China—imposing tariffs that succeeded in punishing our own citizens far more than Xi Jinping’s—but he ultimately lost his trade war, and rather decisively at that.

GOP senators demand parental warnings for shows featuring LGBTQ characters

There’s a scene in the Bible where Lot offers up his daughters to be raped by a mob in order to protect two angels he’d invited into his home. Turns out the rapists had actually wanted to rape the angels, but Lot decided that would be be gauche, since they were invited guests. So, yeah—he offered the raping rabble his daughters. And Lot explicitly sweetened the deal by revealing that his daughters were both virgins.

Satan’s flag might fly outside Boston’s city hall after SCOTUS ruling backing Christian group

With all the hullabaloo over Associate Justice Samuel Alito’s leaked draft opinion reducing any American with a uterus to an involuntary fetus decanter, another Jesus-adjacent SCOTUS decision flew under the radar on Monday. 

The high court ruled that the city of Boston violated the First Amendment rights of a group that wanted to raise a Christian flag outside city hall as part of a program that welcomed various emblems in celebration of civic pride.

Trump’s ‘parade of supplicants’ advised to woo the ocher ape with big fonts and color photos

I’m trying to think of anything more undignified than sucking up to colossal loser Donald Trump after everything that’s happened in the past few years—telling him he won elections he lost, groveling for his endorsement, buying overpriced tchotchkes at his cult compound/golf resort, and pretending you’re not staring directly into the sallow, rheumy eyes of primordial evil.

I wouldn’t hire Trump to manage a Chuck E.

Trump still can’t find room in his rotten heart to criticize Vladimir Putin

How is it possible that Donald Trump has harshly criticized everyone from Twilight actress Kristen Stewart to a Gold Star mother, but he still hasn’t—as far as anyone can determine—even mildly rebuked murderous despot Vladimir Putin?

Fox News host Sean Hannity is such a shameless sycophant he has to check into a Motel 6 whenever Trump gets a colonoscopy, but even he couldn’t get the big ocher disgrace to trash Russia’s bumbling Hitler.

Marjorie Taylor Greene thinks U.S. soldiers are suckers who are ‘throwing their lives away’

For many of us, “throwing your life away” might look like refusing a safe and effective vaccine that keeps your lungs from turning into turbid sacks of wet cement. But Georgia Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene has other ideas. To her way of thinking, military service really is for losers and suckers.

In an April 9 interview with once-and-future DJT rectal parasite Lou Dobbs, Greene disparaged our military, concluding that joining the U.S.

Former Pence aide: Trump adviser tried to get VP to attend white supremacist gathering

Richard Grenell was a terrible choice for acting director of national intelligence—which is precisely why Donald Trump chose him. It’s like when Trump is rudely confronted with a salad bar and has to choose between piling fresh greens on his plate or bobbing for stray croutons in the ranch dressing trough. His squishy id will wail like a toddler until he picks the most immediately gratifying option.

In the case of Grenell, Trump liked the way he looked on the teevee.

Rep. Ronny Jackson, the ex-White House doc who praised Trump’s ‘good genes,’ is under investigation

The GOP’s crack team of doctors (sorry, “quack” team—damn you, autocorrect!) includes such luminaries as Mehmet Oz, Ben Carson, Scott Atlas, and Ronny Jackson, the dude who turned a slovenly heap of fly-pocked Crisco into a Greek Adonis through the magic of barmy bullsh*t.

Now Jackson, who leveraged his unique proximity to Donald Trump’s eminently unkissable bum into a congressional seat, is under investigation by the House Ethics Committee.

DeSantis delayed records request involving Florida official tied to Gaetz sex-trafficking probe

For a law-and-order party, Republicans don’t seem all that interested in actual laws. At least not the ones that apply to them. They may believe the world is safer from loose cigarettes and indiscriminate hoodie-wearing, but open government corruption? Meh.

For example, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis appears to be modeling his administration after the serial lawlessness of the Trump cabal, whose lodestar has always been Vladimir Putin.

Ted Cruz caught chasing Twitter clout after abusing Judge Jackson—and his GOP pals were no better

The GOP is no longer a serious political party. It’s a vaudeville show, and all they care about these days is performing. Not performing good deeds, mind you. Just performing. And the top clowns were all feeling their oats on Wednesday. 

Whether he’s concocting ad hoc reasons for flying to Cancun during a deadly deep freeze or insisting there really is candy in the back of his windowless white van, it’s safe to say that Sen. Ted Cruz can rarely be trusted.

Right Side Broadcasting Network throws fit after YouTube mutes its channel ahead of Trump rally

Donald Trump’s Hitler Goof rallies have been drawing less and less interest lately, in part because windmill cancer has tragically taken so many of his rural devotees and also because Fox News no longer sees any benefit to broadcasting them. And why would they? His shtick never changes. It’s like watching a throng of mutant space orangutans break into a flash-orgy on the veranda of your local Olive Garden.