Today's Liberal News

Aldous J Pennyfarthing

CNN’s Jake Tapper takes on the GOP’s new lyin’ kings in wake of Liz Cheney dustup

In a lengthy discussion on the brewing internecine war between Republicans, Jake Tapper stood firmly on the side of truth. Appearing on Tuesday’s edition of CNN’s New Day, Tapper noted that Republicans, for the most part, simply aren’t good-faith actors anymore.

Of course, while the truth is fairly easy to suss out these days, grasping even a gossamer strand of it seems like a Sisyphean challenge for Republicans.

Study: Non-wealthy to benefit most from Biden’s tax and spending plans, especially in red states

For those who aren’t policy wonks—and who somehow can’t decide whether Joe Biden is a compassionate family man or a rapacious baby’s blood aficionado—it can be difficult to suss out the real benefits of Biden’s recent economic proposals. Luckily, new analysis from the Institute on Taxation and Economic Policy (ITEP) spells out the pluses (for the vast majority of Americans) and the minor minuses (for the ultra-wealthy) pretty clearly.

More evidence that the former guy is fading away, even among Republicans

Donald Trump said some stupid shit about the Oscars today, because he’s gone from being the worst pr*sident in U.S. history to writing the worst blog on the internet. (I can’t even find an archive of his “statements.” That’s how far off the grid he is these days.)

You may have noticed you can now go as long as a few hours without his clammy tumescent melon head interrupting your sublime, weed-infused reveries.

Compassion is back in the White House … and the VP’s residence. This short clip shows it

I’ll make this quick because the video speaks for itself.

For four years we sat by, mouths immutably agape, as Donald Trump tossed paper towels at hurricane victims and made the COVID pandemic all about himself. But with the return of competence to the White House, we also saw a renewal of compassion. So far at least, that’s been seen most prominently in the words and actions of Joe Biden, our consoler-in-chief.

Ron Johnson at his most irresponsible: ‘I see no reason to be pushing vaccines on people’

I grew up in Wisconsin, so I happen to know there are thousands of Ron Johnsons haunting various backwater dairyland redoubts, oafishly sounding out exotic menu items like “jalapeño poppers” at supper clubs, ordering one brandy Old-Fashioned after another, and dribbling chunky rivulets of tartar sauce down their chins onto musty, antediluvian wool suits as they race against each other to see who can fully transform into giant ambulant pee stains before the&nb

Ted Cruz’s latest straight-faced dishonesty: ‘You didn’t see us try to pack the court’

Ted Cruz has been accused of a lot of things: being the Zodiac Killer; being from Canada; being a churlish Sea Monkey that grew out of control in a secret Area 51 lab before escaping into the forest with a family-size bag of Bugles and a sixer of Zima; being the son of a key JFK assassination conspiracist; spending the past four years hiding in Donald Trump’s Underoos like a colicky baby wallaby; having the personality of a clammy loaf of reduced-salt Wonder Bre

Mike Lindell’s new ‘free speech’ website is even more of a disaster than any of us could have hoped

I can’t stop watching the MyPillow Guy, Mike Lindell, and his “Frank-a-thon” to launch his stupid new Arby’s dumpster of a website. The guy has been jabbering for the better part of two days. This morning, I tuned in to see him interviewing someone, but I never got the dude’s name because Lindell wouldn’t let him get a word in. Lindell won’t stop talking.

Happy 4/20! Almost 7 in 10 Americans want cannabis legalized

The problem with having Christmas every day, as the folks behind these weird Christmas-themed attractions surely know by now, is that when Dec. 25 actually comes around, Christmas doesn’t seem that special.

That’s a bit how I feel on 4/20. What am I gonna do? Get higher? I’m not sure that’s possible. Outside of putting myself on a hash oil IV drip, I don’t know how I could cram any more THC into my body.

Despite Trump’s constant fearmongering over shutdowns, suicides actually declined in 2020

During last year’s second presidential debate, Donald Trump made certain to note how horribly things were going on his watch:

“We have to open our country,” the big, dumb adobe mud hut brayed. “We’re not going to have a country. You can’t do this, we can’t keep this country closed. It is a massive country with a massive economy. People are losing their jobs, they’re committing suicide.

MAGA world rages after Ivanka gets the Fauci ouchie

Ivanka Trump has spent the past five years trying to position herself in the public’s mind as the “reasonable” Trump. Granted, that’s a pretty low bar. All she really needed to do is show up as “warm-blooded” on infrared surveillance cameras, and she was basically there. Another useful tactic? Avoid appearing on video every 10 minutes, like the unofficial spokesperson for pure Colombian cocaine.

Republican congressman claims corporations standing up for voting rights is ‘fascism’

Wait, I’m confused. I thought we lived in a free-market democracy in which corporations are “people” with sacrosanct “opinions” (which, for some reason, usually come in the form of gobs and gobs of campaign cash).

So when corporations literally write their own legislation, it’s A-OK. That’s just what the Founding Fathers envisioned as they grew hemp and curated their expansive STD collections.

Marjorie Taylor Greene reveals that the cure for COVID-19 is … pumping iron!

This is weird for a lot of reasons. First of all, Marjorie Taylor Greene’s superhero, Pervert Hoover, thinks exercise is bad for you. (Assuming it’s not golf, of course.)

Secondly, if exercise reliably prevented COVID-19, all those people getting in sweaty knife fights over toilet paper last March would have had zero to worry about, because knife-fighting is a great cardio workout. Or so they tell me.

Finally, why are we firing Dr.

Georgia Republicans try to retaliate after Delta Airlines CEO speaks up for voter rights

All across red America, Republicans are promoting COVID-19, trashing democracy, and lying with the same feral abandon that the Abominable Showman himself demonstrated lo these many years.

And because Donald Trump declared by feckless fiat that he actually won the 2020 election in a landslide, Georgia decided they’d like to make it a lot easier for the next right-wing proto-tyrant to steal future elections.

Top aide tried to address virus supply shortfalls early last year, but Trump ignored his warnings

Top Trump trade adviser Peter Navarro didn’t come out of nowhere. The administration found him where most high-level government aides are found … i.e., the same place I found the anti-fungal treatment for my big toenail—Amazon.

You may or may not know that Donald Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner found Navarro while browsing Amazon after Trump asked him to do research on China. Well, now you do.

Devin Nunes’ mom does his FEC reports, and she appears to be really bad at it

California Rep. Devin Nunes is famously suing the Twitter parody account @DevinNunesMom, but in real life, his mom does his fundraising committees’ FEC reports.

It’s not that weird, of course. I mean, I don’t get it personally, but that could be because my mom’s voted for every GOP presidential candidate since Eisenhower and still somehow thinks Donald Trump is human. No, the weird part is that Nunes’ mom appears to be really bad at her job.

Ex-former guy spokesman allegedly lied about employment status to reduce child support payments

Assuming Jason Miller is a real person and not a failed Soviet-era experiment to cross the human genome with the formula for Axe Body Spray, he appears to be in some trouble.

According to The Guardian, the former former-guy spox, who impregnated another Trump campaign adviser while engaging in an extramarital affair in 2016, lied about his employment status in order to reduce his child support payments.

GOP senator says people shouldn’t vote on Sundays because ‘in God we trust’ is printed on money

Before we get started, remember that Southern slave owners used the Bible to defend slavery for generations. Also, NASCAR races are often held on Sundays. And Cracker Barrels are packed stem to stern on the Lord’s holy day. And the Creation Museum? Yup, open on Sundays. 

But Black people voting? That’s where God draws the line.

I give you Mississippi Sen. Cindy Hyde-Smith:

Sen.

GOP senator says people shouldn’t vote on Sundays because ‘in God we trust’ is printed on money

Before we get started, remember that Southern slave owners used the Bible to defend slavery for generations. Also, NASCAR races are often held on Sundays. And Cracker Barrels are packed stem to stern on the Lord’s holy day. And the Creation Museum? Yup, open on Sundays. 

But Black people voting? That’s where God draws the line.

I give you Mississippi Sen. Cindy Hyde-Smith:

Sen.

In House hearing on extremism, Republican reveals he’s been duped by military version of ‘The Onion’

Most of us don’t think Bill Gates has uploaded Windows Vista into the COVID-19 vaccine, and we won’t give credence to inanities burped out by semi-ambulatory heaps of knob cheese who listen to demon sperm doctors instead of world-renowned infectious disease experts. Why? Because we’re astute consumers of media.

But Republicans, by and large, are not.

Nebraska’s GOP governor: ‘If you legalize marijuana, you’re gonna kill your kids’

Believe me, if it were possible to fatally overdose on marijuana, I’d be a heapin’ midden of THC-infused mulch right now. But it’s just not. In fact, the number of recorded cases of fatal cannabis overdose in the history of cannabis and overdoses is—oh, would you look at that?—still zero. 

I’m not saying it isn’t possible to get a bit too high from time to time. It definitely is.